DEAR MR. INCOMING NAROK UNI STUDENTS GOVERNING COUNCIL CHAIRMAN…..

Once upon a time, in a tiny village so far away, an animal dancing competition was to be held. Everybody wanted to participate in the great annual event as there were several prizes to be won by those that proved to be the greatest of the dancers. Everybody expected that the antelope, being the greatest splinter and dancer in the land would scoop the top most prize and take the medal home. But it never was. The said antelope practiced new dancing moves so hard before the main dance such that on the actual day he was so tired and lame thus he never scooped the top prize.

To be bold and brave enough to move to the point of wanting to lead the leaders of Kenyan youth as far as academics and social cultural setting is concerned, it is my assumption that you must be wise enough to decipher the meaning of the above analogy and thus I will not disseminate it any  further to you. Congratulations  to you Mr.president  in advance for come rain or sunshine, before  the end of February we will have you on the seat! I would love to call it the hot seat but for now I am holding my horse so let us trend slowly.

Mr. Chairman am writing this from my room and it is almost impossible to concentrate unless you are an academic criminal because music is blaring from  the “system”. I would love to go to the library so stop asking why I can’t go there because you know it is so full such that breathing facilities are urgently needed there.Secondly,I would need the services of a computer to write this and the three computers that are there are only too few against the population of over 3 thousand and though I admit I’m  poor in maths,my  natural instinct tells me that 1,000 students should be sharing one computer so I can wait for at least 500 days before accessing the computer. I have to post this through the internet and so I have to load my modem with credit or worse still go to the cyber because internet is still viewed as a privilege in an institution of higher learning that claims to be a center of excellence in information technology. Sometimes over the holiday, I  would go in our shamba which neighbors’  an upcoming university college and enjoy roaming internet because they have wireless internet all over the place I bet my grandma is enjoying internet services too because the whole village is swimming in the internet!How I miss home!

Mr. chairman I know I sound like a basic public noise maker but I’m commanding you to bear with me because it is my right to complain to you for from now henceforth you are my spokesperson hence you must be more vocal and aggressive than I am. I’m  also writing this with almost an empty stomach because  the food prices in the mess have soared and quantities nose-dived. The  last time I checked, the  size of mandazis was so small that four of them pressed together can only make a small doughnut. I love ugali and I’m sure you do too. The  size and shape represent a razor blade as you can see through it.6 pieces of meat cost 30 bob hence I’m  left wondering how a piece of meat is costing 5 bob…the services are poor especially in the morning when the ones serving have to leave you queuing  so that they go and collect plates and cups on the table and have not even mentioned the long queues  and the painful waits as the food is cooked. It has become an official queuing campus, from bathrooms to the toilet to the mess to the shop to the payment of fees name them!

I want to trust that you, my good chairman is moving at the same pace with me for I’m now taking you to the new hostels which are hosting our younger brothers and sisters the first years. I assume you have seen the deplorable situations under which they are living. It is not exciting to live or sleep in a room that has just been painted the same day.In fact,I understand that  it is unhealthy. It is inhuman to go to sleep on the floor when you have paid accommodation fees  as it is an insult for a person with a stomach upset to be seen running across the field at night running to answer the call of nature from one hostel to another. It is even insecure  because that means the doors are not locked at night and anyone can pop in including crooks who are also coming to “ help themselves “in  other ways .Were I a first year and I’m sharing the same building with the members of the other clan that wears skirts, I would probably be so excited  but trust me that were I a parent and I know my teenage daughter is spending nights in the same building with young men whose hormones are a raging fire I would not  sleep a wink .I would keep worrying every Friday night because of the fact that I might be a grandpa any morning cold Friday night!!

The journalism class were promised heaven and other less than two months ago. This was in the name of a studio and other tools of trade associated with journalism and media, by good lack, being the nosy lot just like journalist are, they  stumbled  upon old media equipment and some new in the new store next to the deans office, they  were told that they belonged to the TTC and plans would be made to have them handed over to the NUC,a technician who was never seen was to come and access how good they are was supposedly hired, to cut the long story short, the equipments were carried away last week by the TTC,could you please Mr.chair  start by forming a tribunal headed by your academic director to present a report to us what exactly  happened? see? we  are still in the dark.

                 CONDITIONS FOR ELECTING MY CHAIRMAN.

I have stopped addressing the letter further for I have profound fear that I might be well be addressing a person who doesn’t know what I’m talking about  because we doesn’t talk the same language..and im not talking about mother tongue here, for us to understand each other better as a comrade and my representative you must possess these qualities

1. Ø  Be of any of the 43 Kenyan tribes but be a visionary leader.
2. Ø  Profess unquestionable integrity and ethics.
3. Ø  You must be a full comrade who dines and wines with me in the mess so as to understand what I’m talking when I say life is hard even with the so called cut down costs but low lack of variety about in the above letter.
4. Ø  You must have stayed with me and other comrades in the hostels so as to know what I mean when I say the collidors are alive with dust and know what I mean when I say there is not a single fire extinguisher in the hostels(by the way where did they go?)
5. Ø  You must take shower in the murkiest bathrooms and know what it feels hence you will complain together with me.
6. Ø  If you get HELB and try to divide it to buy your own internet and computer and buy expensive meals in the mess then you are the man in looking forward to lead  me for I know you will be so vocal to air my grievances for from hence forth they will be our grievances.
7. Ø  You must not be the kind that is taken to seasons hotel for I full week and you come back with a ring officially  married to the admistration,that  tells you that if you share a bed with me in the hostel I will know when you are hosting  “diginitaries”or using the influence of the job I have given to you to destroy the life of my little sisters who are here as a light for their families and villages
8. Ø  You must have jostled for a space with me in the library and in fact missed it so as to instill the spirit of brotherhood in you.
9. Ø  You must declare to me a thing of interest you have done to the comrades or youth in general that makes you think that you can lead the leaders for in university we have everyone as a reader and leader in one way or another.
10. Ø  You must not be the lot that stares from the sidewalks as fellow comrades’ call for support in case they want to be addressed.
11. Ø  You must have been an active participant in student demos that call for a positive change and by saying demos I don’t mean hooliganism, I mean mature and peaceful demos that seeks to get explanations from the administration.
12. Ø  I  wanted to write that you must declare your  personal interests but  then I thought you will never do that,

THE COURT IS BACK IN SESSION AND THUS MY DEAR READERS AND LEADERS,KEEP WATCHIN THIS SPACE AS THE COURT HAS BEEN ROUNDING UP SERIOUS CASES AND WITH THE GREATEST EVIDENCE IN PLACE,ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT STILL AND WATCH THE SUSPECTS  GET NAILED HELPLESSLY BY THE MOST  FEARLESS JUDGE IN TOWN!!For now, I leave you with this

If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your

Liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.

-An aboriginal Australian woman